Aug 05, 2015
How to Choose Love Over Fear 5 common misconceptions about fear and how you can overcome them.Fear has prevented me from living ...
Aug 05, 2015
How to Choose Love Over Fear
5 common misconceptions about fear and how you can overcome them.
Fear has prevented me from living true to myself and from taking prudent risks. But fear is a broad catchall for other negative emotions. Fear is based on future outcomes that, in most cases, do not occur. We tend to separate emotions of anger, hate, jealousy, betrayal, resentment, sadness, hurt, and discontent from fear. Yet, all are tentacles of the same root cause: fear.
This pattern has pulled me away from honest self-expression, meaningful exchanges of love and compassion while also limiting my leadership ability and catalyzing a life governed more by the incessant false ego than the universal gift of love in all its magnificent possibilities. The outcome is living well below my full capacity as a friend, partner, professional, father, husband, lover, and contributing member of my community.
I recall my shyness as a young boy, feeling insecure that I would be left behind. It was not until well into my adulthood that I understood that this fear was attached to my being given up for adoption. The fear manifested in my creating a life of falsehood. Creating a safe haven where the real Michael was hidden became a primary objective, for to open that door would show me as unlovable and someone to be cast aside. After failed marriages, less than desirable professional outcomes and lethal addiction, I realized the fallacy of my life’s journey. The change came as a result of slowly tearing away the fearful foundation upon which I had constructed my reality.
In the continuum of life, on one side exists fear. On the other side are love, compassion and understanding. Fear and love do not exist in the same room, yet fear can be a powerful ignition switch leading to love if one becomes conscious to his/her psychic themes. As with all of life, it involves making a choice.
Waking up to the power of fear can be liberating if one chooses to see fear for what it is and what it is not. Either way, the choice involves recognizing the difference between light and dark, fear and love, authentic and false.
1. The real you is unlovable. No, the false you is unlovable because what you show others is dishonest. Stepping into your real self is empowering and life-filling. You are never better than when you are yourself. Be courageous and step into your amazing unique self. The real you is worthy of love, both giving and receiving.
2. Fear keeps you safe. No, fear shields you from realizing true safety and security. When you step out of fear and into love and compassion, you become strong. What you put out comes back to you tenfold. Be authentic and courageous by dropping the false guard and being whole.
3. Showing fear equals weakness. No, showing that you are fearful demonstrates vulnerability, which amounts to showing others that you are in fact human. When we open ourselves up to vulnerability, we indelibly connect with others from a visceral humanness. Leaders who are unafraid to say, “I don’t know,” or “I am sorry for my actions,” or “what do you think is the right solution?” are those who show great strength.
4. Fear by subordinates strengthens leadership. No, if anyone is fearful of you, they will not be honest about their thoughts, ideas or aspirations. Fear erodes leadership—it eliminates an open forum, curtails enthusiasm and diminishes the overall health of relationships. When honest feelings and thoughts are shared, you have stepped into conscious leadership.
5. Fear in intimate relationships keeps partners closer. No! In no other human enterprise is fear more destructive than in our intimate relationships. Fear prevents us from asking for what we desire. It dilutes intimacy and relegates us to live unfulfilled lives. Perhaps the greatest opportunity for us is to let love, not fear, guide us to authentic union with another. Be bold!
Michael Bianco-Splann is the author of “Conscious Leadership: 7 Principles that WILL Change Your Business and Change Your Life“, a wake-up call for leaders and organizations ready to gain consciousness. Michael has frontline executive leadership experience from across several industries, with the past 16 years working within the Financial Services industry. Michael’s ability to accurately assess an organization’s strength of leadership and performance, coupled with his dynamic talent to deliver high-impact leader development training tailored to the needs of the organization provides unique and differentiated value.
Jul 30, 2015
Jul 30, 2015
Time to rise, time to act, time to get going, Bud time, bad time, best time ever, time to leave, time to move, Miller time, time to decide; time to realize this thing we call time is not real. Can you touch it? Does it have structure? Oh, yes, our world operates from a time clock, minutes, seconds, hours, work time, rest time, time for dinner, time to make love, time to fight, time to apologize, time to plant, time to harvest, time, time and more time, yet not enough time.
So why are we so caught up in time? Does it exist? Or are we simply operating from a point of contextual organization and structure, a construct that gives meaning and texture to living as a human being. Did the ancients understand this concept differently, whereby the human condition was in sync and cooperative with nature and the greater universe? And how have we devolved so harshly to live our lives caught in the paradox of time and its limitations.
Perhaps the grandest paradox in contemplating the impact of time is to witness the collective psychosis of continually wanting more as consumers, yet operating in a world limited by twenty-four hours in a day, 7-days a week and 365 days in a year. We purchase hundreds of channels from our cable provider only to have enough time to view a handful, yet we feel compelled to have more. People go on a week’s vacation to visit four European countries, six cities, multiple side tours and end up needing another vacation just to recover from the overwhelming travel. How much can we cram into an hour, a day or a week? Our incessant need to keep up with the newest Apple product creates an individual and collective malaise of never being satisfied, never feeling calm and always needing something else.
We order our reality based on limitations attached to the clock. 6:00am, the alarm buzzes to start your engines. Ready, set and go– off to the races once again. Teachers teach according to the bell. Workers work forty-hours a week, Monday through Friday. Trains, planes, rush hour traffic, buses all run according to schedules. Tuesdays are spaghetti nights, while Fridays are for pizza. We even have to schedule time for lovemaking. Weekends are for sports viewing, beer drinking and Sunday hangovers. And then– it’s right back into the circle of life, the tick-tock of our ordered chaos with its perpetual disharmony of never having or being enough.
Certainly, order is necessary to survive. But are we now living in a world that demands something more relevant than the limitations of time? If so, what would this new reality be? Here are some suggestions for expanding our perception of limited time:
We are missing the splendid variety of the show. By cramming the most we can into our limited time-driven construct, we miss the beauty of a whole world in front of us. Imagine for a moment what aliens from another planet might see if they were to visit any town, USA. Would they witness human beings operating on autopilot, heads magnetically attached to smart phones, texting, talking and doing everything but paying attention to the world in front of them.
How often do we spend the seconds of our precious life to smell the aroma of a beautiful rose, or fresh coffee beans being ground or the natural smell of a spring rain? Do you give yourself the gift of being aware, noticing the infinite bounty and hidden elegance of what is directly in front of you? The sunrise, the sunset, the shimmer of leaves blowing in the wind, the unconditional love of your dog as you enter from a long day’s work, or even those loving acts of kindness shown by people asking nothing in return; all these and so much more are available at any moment in your life.
The limitations of time are an illusion. Quantum physics theory tells us the nature of time is not confined to the present, but is simultaneous to allow for us to be in multiple locations across the past, present and future. The power of conscious awareness provides us with an opportunity of a much broader realty, one of realizing we are not separate and apart but rather coexisting in the universe. Jean Houston, in the Quantum Powers coursework, states, “Consciousness is the basic reality of the universal mind.” We are not separate from the infinite universe, but rather, an integral part of this reality. Being present means being aware. When you are aware of being aware, you have stepped into consciousness.
Now is the time to stop the train of unconsciousness by turning off the autopilot and being present for there is ample time for everything we need and want.
Michael Bianco-Splann is the author of Conscious Leadership: 7 Principles that WILL Change Your Business and Change Your Life, a wake-up call for leaders and organizations ready to gain consciousness. Michael has frontline executive leadership experience from across several industries, with the past sixteen years working within the Financial Services industry. Michael’s ability to accurately assess an organization’s strength of leadership and performance, coupled with his dynamic talent to deliver high-impact leader development training tailored to the needs of the organization provides unique and differentiated value. For more information visit www.illuminateambitions.com. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
Jul 29, 2015